How To Detect Social Anxiety In Children
Your child gets a birthday party invitation in the mail. Instead of screaming with excitement, their face drops. Days leading up to the party, your child bombards you with questions:
“What if I’m the only one who brings a present?”
“What if everyone wears dresses up and I wear jeans?”
For shy children, the day of the party may come with hesitation and nerves. Once you pull up to the house and they see kids running from cars into the party, their fears start to dissipate. After the first 10 minutes of sitting quietly by the snack bowls, they slowly open up to the other kids and run around the party.
For children with social anxiety, the day of the party could mean emotional explosions, sudden bedridden stomach aches, and refusals to get out the front door. While shyness tends to go away on its own, social anxiety sticks around. How do you know which one your child is exhibiting?
What is Social Anxiety in Children?
Social anxiety is “social” in nature, meaning the anxiety appears when the child feels like they’re being observed by anyone—adults and peers. The anxiety comes from an intense fear of negative judgment or social rejection.
Plenty of children are shy around adults they don’t know, testing the waters with thoughts of “stranger danger.” They may answer in one-word replies or not talk at all. However, after some time together, they slowly open up and show interest in others.
Social anxiety, on the other hand, gets in the way of everyday life and doesn’t go away on its own. Getting your child to eat in public settings, use public restrooms, participate in class, or play with other kids if they’re afraid of being perceived may be impossible. The level of fear they exhibit is disproportionate to the risk of the actual event.
When Does Social Anxiety Show Up?
You may start noticing signs of social anxiety in late childhood, anywhere between the ages of 8 and 15. Maybe they used to love kicking the soccer ball around with you in the backyard, but when it’s time to try out for a team, they claim they don’t like soccer anymore. Maybe they get to tryouts and refuse to pass the ball when it’s kicked to them or run off the field to find you when their coach asks to see something.
Social rules change as we age, which can throw certain kids through a loop. Maybe they used to have no problem laughing and playing with their friends, but now they spend more time at home and obsess over things like their clothes, hair, or voice.
How Can I Spot the Signs of Social Anxiety?
Some kids’ fears feel so instinctual they don’t know how to put words to it. You would never ask someone, “Why are you so afraid of that fire?” Because the answer is obvious: “It could burn me.” If your child shuts down, look out for these signs:
Shaking, sweating, or shortness of breath
Obsessive “What if” questions
Explosive tantrums and crying (even before the situation happens)
Sudden stomachaches or headaches when it’s time to perform
Social anxiety affects around 7% of Americans every year, so your child is not alone. Working with a counselor is a great way to help your child manage emotions and learn coping skills so they can overcome anxiety and live a full life. Through play therapy, children work through anxiety with storytelling so they can remove themselves from the situation and make it easier to confront. Some temporary medications like SSRIs or beta blockers can also help.
Ready to get started? Contact me about anxiety therapy today.
