The Toll of Invisible Chronic Illness
One day, it’s accusations from strangers when you pull into an accessible parking spot. Another day, it’s persistent optimism from family trying to talk you into plans you know will exhaust you. The pain is real, but now, too, are thoughts of doubt.
“How bad is it really?”
People with invisible chronic illnesses know all too well that seeming fine doesn’t mean someone’s actually fine. Whether it’s the aftereffects of a stroke, severe depression, epilepsy, or a digestive disorder, the CDC estimates that about 10% of Americans are living with invisible disabilities.
As if the symptoms weren’t enough, people with chronic illness face a tough mental and physical toll just trying to work, socialize, and live like the rest of their peers. Here are things to consider the next time you catch yourself invalidating someone with an invisible disability—even if it’s yourself.
An Overview of Chronic Illnesses
Any disease with conditions that…
Last longer than a year
Require regular medical care
Require accommodations or limitations to daily life
…is considered a chronic illness.
Constant muscle, joint, or nerve pain—like rheumatoid arthritis or neuropathy—are chronic illnesses. Some conditions have wax-and-wane symptoms, meaning they appear sometimes and go away, while others have little to some predictability. Examples include lupus, digestive disorders, asthma, and multiple sclerosis.
Perceived Judgment from Others
A classic battle is faced with those who question the severity of their condition. While you may ask to slow down walking because you have excruciating pins-and-needles sensations in your feet, your friends may respond by encouraging you to run more on the weekends.
You can always explain that your condition can’t be fixed with exercise. To someone who has experienced the loss of much milder discomforts in life with exercise, though, it can feel like speaking into a void of disbelief. You may now feel like you have to prove your disability, like offering up more satisfying details will make your condition real for them.
Guilt and Self-Doubt
There are only so many eye rolls, guttural scoffs, public pushes, and condescending questions a person can take before you begin asking yourself: “Am I making up the problem?”
You may feel like you’re letting people down who don’t believe you. Maybe a family member or coworker has called you a liar or a lazy person before—all personal attacks for something out of your control. Even taking accommodations at work can sometimes come with its own form of guilt. Many people fear that disclosing their disability will cost them a job or come off as opportunistic for “perks.”
Isolation
Wanting to avoid criticism like this can look like staying home for weeks on end or avoiding health professionals because you’re convinced “it’s not that bad.” And what if you choose not to disclose your condition to anyone? Not answering to others can be liberating, but feeling like you’re keeping secrets from your loved ones can be isolating.
Invalidating your pain just because the rest of the world thinks (and says to you) that you’re fine (when you know you’re not) makes it harder to follow through with a treatment plan. This will only worsen symptoms and risk depression.
Coping with Chronic Illness
You deserve access to a life of meaning, joy, and fulfillment regardless of your abilities. Whether you’re dealing with brain fog or feelings of loneliness, here are some coping skills for those with chronic illness:
Picking your battles wisely, saving energy for those who truly care and want to learn about you
Practicing self-compassion
Leaning on friends, family, and support groups
Shaking off guilt when there are things you can’t do
Pursuing joy with new activities
Accepting that you can’t control others (or their terrible reactions)
Working with condition specialists
Mental health counselors can help incorporate these skills into your daily life. While your condition may be invisible, in my office, you are seen. Ready to begin? Contact me today to schedule chronic illness counseling.
