How Social Media Fuels Perfectionism
Many great things came from social media, like ‘Marcel the Shell with Shoes On’ or the new Pinterest dip your aunt tried at holiday dinner. However, not everyone sees social media as an inspiration to try something new. Rather, they see posts as invitations to keep up with or outperform others.
It is estimated that one in five adolescents spends at least five hours a day on social media. Getting more face time with people’s accomplishments than you do with people themselves can warp your perception of how often humans—like yourself—“need” to succeed.
Let’s talk about how social media fuels perfectionism.
Social Media is “Real Life” Staged
Just because social media isn’t filmed in front of a live studio audience doesn’t mean it’s any less staged than a sitcom. We’re all less likely to post the picture we took trying on the jeans than we are to post the one of us wearing them at the party.
Sure, sometimes we catch oddly perfect moments of humor, joy, or wonder on camera, but we cut out the boring stuff before the good part happens. If the only things we have to scroll on social media are the best moments in everyone’s lives, soon we can convince ourselves that’s all that exists. Suddenly, we feel alone whenever we inevitably trip up in our own lives.
Now, the next time we post a picture, maybe we will scrutinize which one to choose, what to crop out, and what to edit.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the unrealistic demand on yourself and others to navigate life flawlessly. (Even in situations where perfect performance is unnecessary.)
Striving for excellence is one thing. Putting your health second to attaining an unattainable goal is another. If you only ever feel as good as your most recent accomplishment, you might overextend or belittle yourself whenever you don’t exceed expectations. (Sometimes, losing relationships in the process. Passion can be motivating one day and cross a line another.)
Do you struggle with perfectionism? Ask yourself a few questions:
Do you feel constantly on edge or stressed out?
Does it frustrate you when you don’t outperform yourself on something small? (For example, getting someone a less exciting gift this year than you did last year.)
Do you cancel plans often or skip class when your appearance feels “off?”
Have friends hesitated to share things with you or expressed fear of your criticism?
Do you constantly seek approval for your work or turn it in late because you fear it isn’t “good enough?”
Can you let it go when people make small mistakes (like misusing a phrase or acting too slowly)?
Perfectionists’ Unrealistic Goals
Some of the kinds of unrealistic goals perfectionists set for themselves include…
“Forever” rules: Goals you expect to keep up with despite bad days, preferences for new things, or lifestyle changes. (Thinking you failed for snoozing once after waking up early four days in a row.)
“Once I’m happy” goals: Goals with an end result of feeling content and unbothered all the time. (Letting emotions flow is a part of being human. Avoiding them just makes us less capable of dealing with them later on.)
Dead person’s goals: If your goal starts with “not” wanting to do something or asks you to do something “less,” it’s a dead person’s goal. Meaning a dead body could do it better than you. (Asking yourself “not” to do something doesn’t provide any helpful direction. It feels more like being told to stare at a button you’re not supposed to push.)
Re-Discovering What You Really Want
Therapists can help you turn perfectionistic thought patterns into more realistic ones. They can help you recognize when to give yourself more credit, find out what you really want in life, and determine how much energy you actually have to give.
Remember that small, steady change is more likely to stick. Ready for your first session? Contact me if you’d like to learn more about anxiety counseling.
