6 Ways To Manage Temper Tantrums

Tantrums are a normal part of development. They’re how children express their frustration and needs, especially when they’re not yet able to use words. It’s also a way for children to test the limits and see how far they can go.

Even the best-intentioned parents respond in ways that may unintentionally worsen the intensity or frequency of a tantrum. Research suggests that tantrums are maintained and reinforced by attention (even negative attention) given by adults.

The good news is parents can make simple yet effective changes in their response to tantrums to reduce and even prevent tantrums altogether. Below are just 6 ways to reduce and prevent temper tantrums.

Be Proactive

Children are more likely to throw a tantrum when they are dysregulated, sleepy, or hungry. Keep your child on a schedule as much as possible, including during more unstructured periods of time like weekends, summer breaks, and holidays. Also, try to identify the trigger(s) and patterns. For instance, are more likely to throw a tantrum during transitions? Do tantrums occur more in certain places or during specific activities or times of the day? Be proactive by anticipating when your child may have a tantrum. Distracting your child with a fun distracting object like a fidget toy, having a snack on hand, or giving some nurturing attention may prevent a tantrum from starting or becoming full-blown.

Teach Coping Strategies

Adults often tell children to calm down without first explicitly teaching and modeling coping skills. Children often throw tantrums because they don’t have other coping strategies in their toolboxes. By providing explicit instruction and direct modeling of healthy coping skills, children will learn to have other responses when frustrated.

Popular coping strategies include talking to someone, distraction (such as fidgets, coping kit), deep breathing, and “changing the channel” (like changing TV channels, changing a negative thought to a positive/happy thought by thinking about a pet, their favorite place, or a happy memory). Be a coach as your child learns to use their new coping skills by providing prompts or reminders to use their new skills.

Offer Choices

Giving your child options when possible can prevent a potential battle or power struggle. Choices allow your child to have some control with your guidance and within your parameters. If your child wants to dress themselves, give them a couple of outfit options. During bedtime, allow your child to choose which books to read. Your child may also appreciate being given the choice of accepting extra help or being supported in completing tasks more independently.

Stay Neutral

Children are sponges and are sensitive to their parent’s emotions. Do your best to maintain a neutral tone, facial expression, and reaction in response to your child’s frustration and anger, even if you need to put on your best Oscar-nominated performance. Tantrums and challenging behavior are stressful and difficult to manage. Check-in with yourself when you’re getting frustrated and take a breather before re-engaging with your child.

Be Warm But Firm

After your child’s tantrum ends, be ready to give them a hug. Children may need to be reassured and comforted after a tantrum. Providing affection through words and gestures make a positive impact on the parent-child relationship, especially after a challenging day or event.

In addition, watch like a hawk, and when you notice your child calming down on their own and trying a healthy coping strategy, praise (e.g., “I’m so proud of you for taking deep breaths to calm your body down) and reward them. Remember that rewards don’t have to cost money and can be free (e.g., screen time, a special trip to the park, or a favorite cousin’s house).

Seek Professional Guidance

If your child’s behaviors are becoming more challenging and difficult to manage on your own, there are professionals out there who could provide guidance and get you back on track.

I’m here to support you when you’re ready. Reach out to me to learn how parent coaching can help you handle your child’s temper tantrums and challenging behavior.