Self-Compassion Exercises For Teens

With so much pressure to succeed, your teen is likely their harshest critic. The need for self-compassion is most apparent when they speak more cruelly to themselves than to a foe. Practicing self-compassion helps teens enhance self-love and become a kind inner ally.

Here are four ways your teenager can start incorporating self-compassion exercises into their busy schedule.

Be A Better Friend To Yourself

The next time you’re on the verge of beating yourself up for something, pause and talk to yourself as if you’re talking to a good friend. Reflect on how you treat your friends and loved ones. How do you speak to them? What gestures, words, and tone do you use? You’ve likely comforted them when they were down and used words of encouragement to cheer them on.

Now, contrast this with how you usually speak to yourself during tough situations. What are some of the most obvious discrepancies in how you treat yourself versus how you treat people you care about? The next time you catch yourself being your own bully, practice being your own best friend. The longest relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself, so it’s a good investment to be kinder and more gentle with yourself.

Keep A Self-Compassion Journal

Expressive writing such as journaling is one of the best ways to express emotions and is proven to enhance physical and mental health.  As an experiment, write in a self-compassion journal daily for a week or longer. To increase the likelihood of success, consider journaling at the same time each day, such as during the evening when you can process the events of the day. You can write about anything you judged yourself for, anything you felt bad about, and any difficult experiences that caused pain or stress.

For example, you were feeling "hangry” and frustrated at the restaurant when there was a long wait and they got your order wrong. You made a flippant remark to the server and left a small tip. Afterward, you felt bad and couldn’t stop thinking about how poorly you reacted. For every challenging event that happened that day, practice kindness, mindfulness (accepting and being non-judgmental of your experience), and a sense of common humanity (how your experience was part of being human) to relate to the event in a more self-compassionate way.

Practice Self-Appreciation

It’s important to cherish yourself as much as you cherish others. However, many teens (and people in general!) struggle to receive compliments and appreciate their good qualities. When we’re used to being harsh and judgmental of ourselves, it’s hard to accept compliments. Think about how you typically react to compliments. Do you welcome them graciously or do you avoid and dismiss them? When you’re alone, how comfortable do you feel about appreciating your positive qualities?

Think about a few things you appreciate about yourself. You’re encouraged to dig deep if the qualities that come to mind seem superficial. It may help to think about important people such as parents, friends, teachers, or public figures who had a positive impact on you and helped you develop your good qualities.

Engage in More Self-Care

It is easy to neglect your needs when engrossed in homework and juggling a busy schedule. To set yourself up for success, give yourself reminders (alarms, sticky notes) or set a schedule to ensure you eat regularly, stay hydrated, exercise, and do things that you enjoy. Carve out space for hobbies that energize you and help you feel relaxed. Light a candle, read a book, take a walk, go to bed early, dance to your favorite song, or watch or re-watch your favorite movie.

If you are concerned about your teen’s lack of self-compassion and tendency to be harsh on themselves, please contact me for teen therapy. I can help both teens and parents navigate these challenging times.