How To Help Kids Who Are Victims Of Race-Based Bullying
Bullying is one of several Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) that can complicate a child’s mental, physical, and academic development. When we carry four or more ACEs into adulthood, health problems like depression and addiction can linger on the horizon.
That’s why home needs to be a safe space for children to be nurtured, express themselves, and work through hard emotions. It helps them overcome inevitable challenges they face out in the world.
Add race into the equation, and the impacts of bullying hit harder. Compared to white students who are bullied, Black and Hispanic children are more likely to struggle academically following the event(s). The COVID-19 pandemic also brought on more reports of AAPI students facing bullying.
So, how can you help kids who are victims of race-based bullying?
Promoting Positive Racial-Ethnic Socialization From Home
Racial-ethnic socialization (RES) is how we learn about race and ethnicity globally and at home. Researchers discovered four key RES messages for parents and caregivers to help children of color reject negative stereotypes and develop positive self-image.
Share cultural history with children to encourage a sense of pride. This can include cooking cultural dishes together, looking at a map while telling historical tales, and enjoying your culture’s most iconic TV shows, movies, and music together.
Prepare children for bias. Most of us remember the first time we were stereotyped for something we didn’t choose in life, like our skin color, hair texture, or gender. That frustrating feeling of explaining yourself to someone who isn’t listening creates inner turmoil, and we feel deeply alone. Don’t let these events surprise your child more than they already will. Instead, let them know that while there are good people in this world who see our souls before our skin, there are also prejudiced people whose opinions never matter. Conversations like this help children develop coping strategies for racist systems and help them feel less alone.
Talk about diversity, equity, and inclusion. Studies are already coming out that say Generation Z (today’s high schoolers, college students, and young adults) is the last generation to have a majority white population. Our country is more diverse than ever, and that’s a good thing. When we embrace multiple perspectives and practice active listening, we build a more compassionate, inclusive society.
Encourage caution and wariness. Advising children of color to proceed with caution in interracial conversations helps them prioritize emotional needs by establishing boundaries early on. This is different from perpetuating dangerous stereotypes, it’s about protecting the self and learning how to spot signs of trust before giving your energy and full self to others.
Responding to Children When They Experience Racism and Bullying
When a child—or anyone—confides in us about a painful experience, it’s important that we hear them out. Shutting down feelings or encouraging “toughness” only teaches children to deny their emotional needs. Down the road, this can impact their mental health and ability to form meaningful relationships.
Instead, try to…
Validate. Let them know you believe them. Hurt feelings are a perfectly normal human response to dealing with a bully.
Define what happened. Remember that kids are still learning how to articulate themselves. While emotions certainly feel real, not knowing how to express them complicates their ability to fully process them. Call it like it is while validating them: “Racism isn’t right, and it isn’t fair.”
Talk about why people get mean. Explain to your child that bullies often feel bad about themselves for many reasons—they don’t feel smart, strong, or liked. Instead, they pick silly reasons to convince other people they’re bad so that they can feel good. This helps children learn to devalue harsh words and only internalize positive ones.
If you think your child may need more support developing a positive sense of self, consider connecting them with a mental health professional. Together, we can build a toolkit no bully can take away. Reach out to learn more about child therapy.
