How Can You Tell If An Adolescent Is Questioning Their Gender?
Adolescence is a period of profound psychological and physiological change for children and teenagers. Almost without warning, their bodies begin to change overnight, triggering increased production of sex hormones such as estrogen, testosterone, growth hormone, and thyroid hormones. While many of us are familiar with the physiological changes that occur during adolescence, many emotional changes are happening as well. Our adolescent’s internal life deepens and broadens rapidly—and to many of us, those waters are a mystery.
In today’s article, we’ll discuss what it means to question gender and how to spot the signs your adolescent may be questioning theirs.
What is Gender Identity?
When we talk about gender identity, we refer not to the sex at birth of an individual but to how society sees them and how they perceive themselves. Exploring gender identity doesn’t always go hand-in-hand with distress or gender dysphoria. For many, it’s a natural part of adolescence and part of the process of understanding themselves.
If we take a step back and understand gender as a social construct that has changed through history and across cultures, it’s easier to recognize that it is a spectrum—and that the binary of male or female, man or woman, does not always capture that. Gender Identity is:
Separate from biological sex.
Influenced by culture and social norms.
Linked to a personal sense of self.
In addition, there is a spectrum of gender identities. For example, individuals may identify as male, female, non-binary, genderfluid, or agender. Examples of this kaleidoscope of gender expressions can be found throughout human history—from ancient mythology to the molly houses of Victorian England, all the way to the present day, where they can be seen throughout films and popular culture.
Signs an Adolescent is Questioning Their Gender
If you think of the process of questioning gender identity as a journey, it becomes easier to recognize its signs. As with any journey, you must prepare for the task at hand. As such, your adolescent may explore fashion and gender expression. They may steal clothes from their sibling’s closet or shop from the other side of the aisle at the department store. A radical change to their hairstyle is not uncommon—cutting it very short or growing it out. In addition, they may explore new hobbies and interests as they explore the range of their identity.
During this process of exploration, you may pick up that they are drawn to the LGBTQ+ community and look for information and resources that could help them understand their own personal experiences. They may look for new friendships and connections that allow them to feel safe expressing themselves.
You may expect an adolescent questioning their gender identity to:
Ask for you to use a different name and pronouns.
Express discomfort with activities and people that reinforce their assigned gender.
Change their mannerisms, behavior, and appearance.
Seek out others engaged in exploring their gender identity.
Signs of Distress
Unfortunately, questioning gender identity is not something that is always welcomed with open arms. Bullying or teasing at school—even mild—may lead them to avoid it altogether. This makes sense. Like someone who’s touched a hot stove and gotten burnt, we all have a natural desire to avoid uncomfortable and emotionally dangerous situations. Concurrently, conflict with others may cause an increase in anxiety, depression, and desire to isolate. Giving them a safe outlet and support is key to mitigating struggles like these.
Getting Support
Navigating an adolescent’s exploration of gender identity can be an emotional process for their family. As parents, when our children challenge our expectations, it can be frustrating, scary, and disappointing. If you or your family are struggling to navigate this process, reach out and schedule a consultation for teen counseling. This is a natural part of adolescence—and there are resources available to make this journey easier.
